Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
worst night to have a conscience
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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