Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
