We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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