so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
