If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
