Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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