he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
