I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize