I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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