There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
