i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
