omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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