Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize