Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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