Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
