so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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