I'm so fucking centered right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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