Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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