Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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