Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
