He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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