let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
