I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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