That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
