eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
