U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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