Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
