4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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