Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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