you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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