I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
