Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
