I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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