Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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