last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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