The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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