I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
