his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
