If i come over, it means nothing
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
