I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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