In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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