did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
