I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
