Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize