I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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