I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
