Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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