I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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