so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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