bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
