yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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