Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
