Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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