carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
