dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
