I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sober January is a disaster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
