Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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