He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
