He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
