just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
