my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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