Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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