not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
