Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
