Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
