Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
