Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
