pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
