I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
