I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
