Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
