im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
