i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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