i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You smell like stripper and shame
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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