he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
