Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
