Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
