Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
