So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's the barista slut.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize