found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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