I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The Olympian is in my bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
