it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
